Uneasy Descriptions

Hi everyone,

Today I identified and made notes for 10 pages of micro-tension and cut 147 words. It was very time consuming so I didn’t get on to any creative writing. What I noticed is that I had two descriptions that were bland, straight forward and had no micro-tension. One was the description of a character and the other a description of a setting.

There’s nothing wrong with them except they were straight forward and didn’t add to the story. The idea of micro-tension is to either surprise the reader with something they weren’t expecting, to make them feel uneasy, to add friction or surprising insight into character. It also serves to filter things through the main character more.

For example: a description with no micro-tension. [This is a very rudimentary description-yours will be better but I don’t have time to come up with something better]

Original:

Blooming flowers filled the garden and gave off a sweet floral perfume reminiscent of my grandmother’s Jasmin perfume. Pink posies lined a pristine path, leading up to a blue front door with a golden knocker in the center.

Changing the atmosphere to give a sense of unease about the house and its inhabitants:

Blooming flowers overran the garden, the clawing scent of jasmine choking everyone who dared walk down the posy lined path to the shadowed front door.

Foreshadowing death:

Sagging flowers filled the garden, giving off a heavy floral perfume reminiscent of the lilies at my grandmother’s funeral. Decaying posies lined a decrepit path, leading up to a charred front door with a rusted knocker in the center.

Adding in one jarring element:

Blooming flowers filled the garden and gave off a sweet floral perfume reminiscent of my grandmother’s Jasmin perfume. A decaying sparrow lay in the center of the posy lined path, forcing visitors to step over it on the way to the blue front door or retreat.

Adding in uneasy adjectives and verbs:

Promiscuous wild flowers crowded the garden, giving off an overpowering floral perfume reminiscent of my grandmother’s old folks home. An alarming number of posies stood to attention next to a weed infested garden path, leading up to a battered front door whose knocker had been ripped out.

All of these give rise to micro-tension. Description can’t just describe things. Its job is to also plant unease in the readers mind, either about what’s to come, or who they’re about to meet. If you read description and you feel that something’s a little off. That’s micro-tension working.

In my WIP, I modified my description which was all sunshine and roses and added a jarring element. Something echoing the emotional state of the character in the setting.

Anyway, that’s all from me. I’m making good progress on my micro-tension draft. Admittingly, it is kind of taking over my life and leaving me no time to work on my other manuscripts, but I feel like attention to detail here will make me a better writer when I get to those. Here’s hoping.

Micro-revision draft: page 41

Talk to you tomorrow,

Happy writing,

Joanne.